Oh man..

So, three weeks ago today, i lost the love of my life.
He left. Again. Still today, it hurts just as much as it did on day one. Everyone keeps telling me it's going to get better, but is it really? I wait around the phone, for a text or a call. It never comes. I wait around town just to see if he's around, and he's not. At school... it's the hardest. He's there, and i have to watch him be happy.. without me. I'm a pretty good actor. I really am. I can act like the happiest person in the world, but i'm falling apart. Which i am. I really am falling apart without him. I still cry everyday. He's still the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i think about when i go to bed. When i'm with my friends, he's still all i think about. Nothing gets him off of my mind. I wonder constantly if he thinks the same about me, and it hurts to know that he doesn't. He left me. He wanted to leave. So he's okay with this. I'm the one who isn't. Four years, every day, for four years... you can't just let that go. Too many memories, too many good memories. Not having that person who makes you whole.. that person who makes you feel so wonderful.. you're just worthless... useless.. nothing.. I miss him. Not just a little bit, i miss him more than anything in the world. I miss everything about him. His love was perfect.. it was more than i could ever ask for. He was too good for me, way too good, and i should have done something different. Anything different, anything to make him stay. But i didn't, and that brings me here today.. lost, confused, hurt, depressed, broken, worthless, useless, nothing. This pain is worse than anything.. i'd never wish it on anyone. Losing your everything, leaves you with nothing. Words, honestly, can't explain this feeling. I'd do it over and over and over again. I had the time of my life, and i wasn't ready to end it.


Bryce Jon, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I still love you more than anything in the world. You are still my life, and everything. I don't care if this feeling is not mutual. You're amazing to me. I love you.


i'm slowly dying..