I wanted to be like you

You say you don't want to hurt me. Don't want to see my tears, so why are you still standing here just watching me drown?
I'm not the one who hides there feelings. I can do it, but I have my moments where it's impossible. Today, it was quite impossible. It hurts just seeing him, torture. I only have 3 months and 27 days till he graduates.. As much as i need that day to come, i don't want it too. Then he'll be gone for good and i don't know what i'll do then. Loving someone who doesn't feel the same.. I can't even begin to explain to you what that feels like.. I'm empty. Completely empty. It's still hard to breathe, oh, and when he looks at me.. when he looks at me, everything else disappears. I never even thought that it was possible, but it is. Today, he looked at me, and i thought i was melting.. everything disappeared and it was just me and him. I've always wanted it to be just me and him.. forever. But forever never last long enough for anyone. I live off of hope. It's pretty hopeless, but i guess i just really need him and want him and love him and care for him more than i would have ever imagined. I was never prepared for the pain of a heartbreak. It's been 24 whole days. I still feel just as bad as day one. I cry for every little thing, because everything reminds me of him.. it's great memories, but i hate the fact that there won't be anymore.. Last night, when i closed my eyes, i swear every memory that we had together flashed through my eyes. I wish it would have never ended, my dreams are so much better than my reality. I have to constantly tell myself to keep breathing, and keep living, because if i don't i'll quit it all, i'll give up on everything. If i could stay in my room all day and draw, and be unsocialable, i would do it. Abandoned. I feel abandoned. I just feel left behind, useless. I was hurt last night.. he "accidently" sent me the wrong text.. such a painful text. Leaves you wondering how much he really cared, if he's sending stuff like that to other people. He keeps telling me that i don't bother him, but i must, i mean he's trying to move on, i should respect that. BUT i can't. How can he not understand that the grass isn't greener on the other side...? i would drop everything in the world for him.. and it's not good enough. Wow, it sucks knowing that you're not good enough no matter what you're willing to do... Breathe.. just breathe. I want him to be happy, but he was happy with me.. i don't care what he says. Yes, we did have some pretty rough and bad times, but we got through them and they made us, as a couple, stronger.. All that shit that i've went through, that we've been through together, just tossed down the drain.. I'm a strong lover, and i care more than i should. I can't walk away from love. What if it never comes again... what if it comes again and it's not good enough.. God, just give me the strength.. and don't let him forget me.


If he ever reads this... i need him to know that i love him with everything i have. And i always will, forever.


"I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you"