on to the next oneeee

I finally spent a night with a guy, that got my mind off of Bryce. Holy shit. More progress :)

I'm happy where i am? Boy please..

You must not really know me...

"Don't look back, got a new direction. I loved you once, needed protection. You're still a part of everything I do. You're on my heart just like a tattoo."

lifes so damn hard sometimes

Last night i went watch Jansen's band, which is also bryce's band at there little gig thing. They were just as good as always. At least i realized that i can be in the same place as Bryce and not be completely sad, though it was upsetting, i was totally fine. I just gotta keep saying "If he's happy, then that's what i want, and i'm happy." 'Cause as long as he's happy, i should be happy. May not be the way i want him to be happy, but it's all good ;D

Ehhhh. Oh well, life's going on. Can't stop it.

My heart is running on empty.

Alright.
I cried, like cried my heart out, for the first time since i've found out he started dating someone else. I've never cried like that before. It just felt like there was nothing anymore. Felt like i've lost everything i've tried to keep. Felt like nothing mattered anymore. Felt nothing. I can't get him out of my head. I just can't. Acting like i don't care, is not possible anymore. Not when i feel like i'm dying inside, not when i feel like i'm losing a part of myself. I really hope things will get easier when he leaves for college.

How long does it take to fall out of love? Why is it so easy for him? -.-
I can't do this.

Missing you is so not fun.

So, i'm sitting around missing you.
As if there would honestly being a point to missing you, not like it's doing me any good. It's just making things worse. Butttt, i'm sitting here. Realizing that it's as good as done for me, wanting to beg, but finding there's no point.

I'm going though what i put you through two years ago, but the difference between me and you is that i couldn't do it, i couldn't put you through that pain, because i loved you too much. But you, you don't give a damn what i go through.

I don't know why i try to even talk to you, when all it does it make me miss you.
I shouldn't fucking feel this way. I should be fucking happy. But no, i can't ever be happy, and i'm sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of feeling left behind, feeling not good enough.

I swear i have hundreds of guys that would kill to be with me, but i can't, unfotunately i still love you.

Countless guys talk to me daily, and ask me out, i shut them all down. Sure i have my fun every now and then, but it's not the same. it's not what i want. I just want to be far away from you. I just want you to be eliminated from my life completely. I don't want to feel like this anymore, and i sure as hell don't want to cry over it one more time.


Please, just disappear.

"They say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting.."

;)

My first date since me and Bryce broke up, went fucking amazing.
I met Corey's mother, and she's super nice. Except Corey had to introduce me as "Evil" :p So mean! But anyways, i had a wonderful night (;

I'm fixing to go march in this extremely crappy Mardi Gras parade, and it's raining outside. What funnnn. The only thing that sucks about band is well, Bryce. Cause, now i have to see him on the weekend -.- but i'll manage (: After that i'm heading to Cajun Field to party with Tori and Kristen! :) Just the absolute best way to start off the Party Gras Break!
I'm guessing i'm going to have to make some time to help Jessica pack up all her stuff too (; She's leaving me again :( But that's okay because i'm still always gonna be at her new house! :p

Smiling and happpiness, how i've missed you so much. Thank you God for making me realize that i don't need anyone else to live my life and as much as they're missed, that i can still live without them. A wonderful lesson learned (:

"Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms, I've been tryin' my best to get along. But that's OK there's nothing left to say, but take your records, take your freedom take your memories, I don't need'em. Take your space and take your reasons, but you'll think of me."

Pft.

Let's start off with me:
I'm doing wonderful. I don't feel pain anymore. I don't care at all anymore. It's like he never existed. Even though i have thought about trying to prove to him more stuff, i realized, he's not worth my trouble. I mean, it's been two months since we broke up and about two weeks since we stopped everything & he already has a new girlfriend? I mean, i wouldn't care if she wouldn't be so damn messy between me and Corey. She decided to tell Corey's mother that i wasn't a virgin, and she decided to tell Corey that Corey shouldn't talk to me, because i'm not pretty and basically he should be talking to someone who's at least a little bit pretty. Who the fuck does that nowadays? Oh.. yeah. Fourteen Year Old Freshmen. I don't know if she doesn't like me because i'm her boyfriend's ex, but i mean, he chose you over me, why hate me for that? He was suppose to be in so called "love" with me, but he chose you, someone he barely knew over me. Don't hate me, clearly when it should be the other way around. Don't get me wrong though, i have nothing against his new girlfriend, i just wish she'd grow up a bit and stop acting like what she is. Especially if she's going to try to be good enough for Bryce, which i doubt will ever happen. 'Cause of course, he deserves the best only.
If you're wondering who Corey is, he's not my boyfriend. Unlike Bryce, i'm not capable of being in a relationship right after a terrible break up. I've done it before, and i will never make the mistake again. Everyone keeps expecting me to stick my nose, or at least be the littlest angry, but i'm not because i'm still all about the whole "Whatever makes him happy" If it's her, than that's what i want for him.
Let's just say, i bet y'all would be proud of me if i told you that i haven't cried since Monday. Progress is progress and i'm glad to have it. I have to thank my wonderful friends who pull me through that absolute hardest times. Jessica and Meagan, i don't know what i'd do without you girls. Losing something important from your life, and having the absolute two BESTEST friends that i could ask for, is just remarkable.

I don't want to say i'm completely 100% OK, or 100% over Bryce and what we had, because i'm not. I can say though, that i can live without him, and though i still love him, i doubt things will ever be the same between us again. I'm a good 75% OK though, i honestly am. I'm smiling all the time, and i'm actually happy, i can actually breathe and live. That doesn't mean that i don't occassionally think "What if" and that definitely doesn't mean that i don't miss him, because i do. But I don't dwell on it anymore, he's moving on with his life without me and i can't stop that. The one thing i want most in my life though is to have him back in it. Not as my boyfriend, just as my best friend. He was the only person to really understand me, and starting over is not my favorite thing. But i can only wait around and see what was meant to happen, because if he wasn't meant to be in my future, then clearly we can all tell that he won't be. <3

"Whenever you knock me down, i will not stay on the ground,"